Final Boss: Thanksgiving Dinner
Written by Ryan Johnson (RyanDJ) Thursday, 24 November 2011 06:00
Here we are, nearing the end of the first year of Fit to Game. I was inspired to write this article as I prepare to go to church. My wife has made a tray of treats to take for our church's Thanksgiving lunch. Then it's off to the store to buy ingredients for the dish I have to take to my workplace meal tomorrow. We live a distance from our family, but relationships last year led to three separate meals when we visited. That's not even counting actually eating our own meal. Written right, an entire comedy movie could come out of trying to survive the meal, within a meal, within a meal. I'd call it "Ingestion."
I have faced my diet this year as a gamer, in body, mind, and exercise patterns. I am realizing, though, that getting to a successful resolution plays a lot like video games, and if you go into it with a gamer's mentality, you can overcome. Below, you will find a Gamer's Guide to defeating the Holiday Boss Battles.
1) Level Up! As the inevitable meals creep in, get in some extra exercise. You will gain more hit points (weight loss) and develop new abilities (higher metabolism) to face your foe.
2) Appropriate Save Files -- Too many battles (meals) without saving (sleep, exercise) can tax your system. These enemies are brutal, and certain strategy guides may suggest facing three or even four on the same run without a proper save; this is foolishness.
3) Equipment Check: depending on your job class, this suggestion will change. If you are a physical brawler, it is actually recommended to go into battle with a smaller shield (plate), as it will attract less of the enemy's projectiles. Dodge the early attacks of the enemy (appetizers), and pace your strikes (bites); this enemy (hunger) goes down faster than an eager swordsman may think. The enemy also has a devastating final attack (dessert). You can survive one hit, but when the enemy uses "dessert bar" attack...RUN.
If you are a mage, more of a mentalist, know that your teammates can also be your worst enemy if you are not careful. They can distract you from the battle, preventing you from focusing on the battle. Also, be wary of the enemy's minions and their stats (calories), and attack the easy enemies (green beans, broccoli), and don't feel you have to go it alone against the strongest enemies (stuffing, pie).
4) Follow your strategy guide: The game throws a major paradigm shift your way: it may have felt like a turn-based RPG all year, now it's a full-on FPS, but the same strategies still apply. Persevere. Also, this is against my recommendations in any other game, but read ahead in the guide. This game throws a lot at you (parties, random food drops), and I hate to say this, but this isn't the final boss. You have to look out for leftovers as they will rear their ugly head. They know no boundaries and will attack at breakfast, snacks and late night raids. You must keep a constant vigil as the siren will sing her song enticing you to open the fridge for just one more bite.
5) Review: after the game is over, look back and give it a thorough review score. Remember, hit points are not the only judge of victory, look at overall XP. You may wish to give the game a low review score due to the repetition from previous entries in the series. After all, it is always the same final levels. They are reused because of their effectiveness, though.
6) The Sequel: Whether you gave the game a 1 or 10 out of 10, next year's edition is a must-buy. Your save files will transfer. If you are gaming your fitness like me, your old equipment may feel worn. Head over to the smithy (Amazon) and have him fashion you a new weapon. Consider a dual class: just because you are a brawler (EA Sports, Your Shape: Fitness Evolved) doesn't mean a little monk training to clear the mind (Deepak Chopra's Leela) or the Dancer class (Dance Central 2, Zumba Fitness 2) wouldn't aid your cause. A different attack pattern may in fact throw the enemy for a loop. And be friends with the bard (Karaoke Revolution, Rock Band) or the jester (the rest of your collection) to stay sane in this battle against the Dark Forces.