Gaming Extremists

AveryZoe

May 19, 2010

We all know at least one. He's THAT GUY--the one who knows everything there is to know about gaming (or so he says) and is happy to share it with you. Doesn't matter if you want to hear it--he insists! He's the guy who is pointing out absolutely everything that is wrong with pretty much any game you buy, play, discuss, or randomly look at it. He's got all sorts of helpful (he thinks, anyway) ideas to point out to you, such as "Dude, that game sucks" and "Even my mom can play that better than you," but he has very little to say that is of any actual substance. You see, he really doesn't have anything better to do than express his self-proclaimed gaming genius. It is this lack of an actual life that classifies him as a "Gaming Extremist."

GameExtremist (12K) The most difficult thing about dealing with a video game Extremist is that nothing you do is ever going to be right. Tell him you bought a PS3, he'll tell you "Oh, man. You totally should have bought an XBox--way better online games!" Tell him you bought an Xbox 360, he'll say "Dude, what were you thinking?!? It doesn't even have a Blu Ray player. Fail!" If you bought all the consoles, he'd complain about the television you hooked them up to.

Gaming Extremists always claim to be purists, but purists to what? Doesn't matter--they're pure, darn it. Whether it's to a genre, a developer, a console, or something else entirely--they are committed, often insanely so. One common gaming Nazi claim is that they are somehow superior to other gamers if they played the game first. "I'm better than you, because I played the game when it came out/before it was popular, and therefore I'm more hardcore than you and your opinion doesn't matter." Not that your opinion ever really mattered, but now it double doesn't matter. These guys will complain the Nintendo has ruined the whole series of Mario/Zelda/Pokemon/etc. games by making new ones when the old ones were obviously perfection. Or, they'll tell you the new games are far superior to the original, mostly because they said so.

It is best to avoid actually playing any video games when a gaming Extremist is around, because doing so would make you the subject of ridicule. "You still working on that boss battle? I beat it the first time. You just have to mash the buttons a little. It's easy." (Notice how he does not offer to demonstrate.) And don't let him see your difficulty setting either--you're just feeding the bear. "Normal? You play on normal? You aren't a real player unless you can beat it on super-mega-hard-impossible level--with a blindfold." (Again, no need to demonstrate. His skills are renowned!)

So what's a gamer to do when there are gaming Extremists afoot? Two words: versus mode. If you beat a gaming Extremist in a head-to-head challenge, they will be silenced. At least until they can think of a good excuse for losing (5 minutes tops). "Darn X button is sticking on your controller. You should have bought the other brand." The gaming Extremist strikes again.

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