Video Games vs. Crack

Amy Nelson, Associate Writer

March 14, 2010

The scene: A Gamestop store in Anywhere, USA. A scrawny-looking teen walks in, pale from hours in front of a flickering screen, and approaches his supplier. His eyes shift left to right repeatedly, as if watching for cops, or unexpected Goombas.

"I need a fix man, bad. Gimme four ounces of the good stuff," says the teen.

"Alright, dude, but this is the second time this week. I've got some primo new stuff for you--you want Final Fantasy XIII or God of War III?"

It seems like I can't turn on my television lately without being bombarded with a gloriously sensationalized news report. Two roommates fighting over a video game break out a samurai sword. A couple in South Korea was arrested for allowing their real baby to starve while they nurtured a virtual one for hours in Internet cafes. Heck, I even saw a story about a teenager throwing a taco in his mother's face because she unplugged his Xbox. What kind of world are we living in, when not even a delicious homemade taco is sacred? Well, needless to say, this whole taco defiling episode led me to the obvious question: Which is worse, video games or crack?

To do justice to this question, I will be examining three different aspects of both video games and crack: addictiveness, price, and availability. By examining each factor fully, and yet not in the least bit scientifically, I feel confident that we can finally answer, once and for all, the question of whether video games are worse than crack. Oh, and just to clarify here, I mean crack cocaine--not butt crack. Because I think we can all agree that there is little in this world worse than exposure to some bad butt crack. No debate needed.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Amy, how could something that brought us such icons as Mario, Zelda, and Lara Croft possibly be as bad as crack cocaine--a scourge on our society that has brought us only such devastating heartache as crack babies and Lindsay Lohan?" I submit to you: Smurf Racer, Simpsons Wrestling, and the entire Dead or Alive Series. Now who wants to talk about scourge on our society?

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